Shorter days. Cooler nights. Holidays and family gatherings start to happen. You might start to see things in the older family members that get your attention. Enjoy this excerpt from our Northstar Newsletter and if you’re concerned and feel the need to discuss the issue please contact us. Feel free to visit our website www.northstarcare.net to learn more of what we can do for you and your family in the New York/New Jersey area.
Elders Can Be Adept at Covering Memory Problems
by Carol Bradley Bursack, Editor-in-Chief
“They finish each other’s sentences.” How often have you heard that said about a happily married couple? This is generally considered a tribute to their harmony. However, when long married couples do this automatically, finishing one another’s thoughts and sentences can gradually expand into filling in for memory gaps and even doing tasks the other spouse forgets or can no longer successfully complete.
Often, this is not a conscious effort on the part of the spouse filling in the gaps. It’s just a gradual process of caregiving that comes naturally. Many times, it takes a catastrophe of some sort, such as a stove fire because the wife forgot to turn off the stove yet again, and the husband didn’t think to check the stove before bed. After such a potential disaster occurs, one or both spouses generally open their eyes to what has been going on.
However, even such a serious circumstance as a fire or accident doesn’t always sound an alarm. Adult children lead their own lives, and often are used to their parents working as a unit. If the elders don’t report an incident to the adult children, discovering Mom or Dad’s problem (or sometimes both of them having problems at once) will probably take time or some particularly bad accident that demands attention.
This delay takes precious time away from an early diagnosis of dementia, or even – in a happier circumstance – find out the problem isn’t dementia at all, but is being caused by a medication reaction or an infection.
Not All Memory Problems Are Dementia Related
Even if Dad has become aware of Mom’s slipping memory, he may not be willing to mention the problem to Mom or to the “kids.” His attitude is probably, “There’s nothing we can do. We’ll get through this together.” This attitude can be even more pronounced in the pre-boomer generation, because many elders still believe strongly in self-reliance. There is also, in general, less acceptance of mental disorders with that generation.